I recently wrote a post on Instagram asking our followers why they travel. I had concluded based on my own experiences, that people travel for one of two reasons, you are running away from something or you are searching for something. Or maybe a little bit of both. Some people didn’t like what I said, and disagreed with me, which is totally fine and expected!
Maybe I am wrong, maybe those two reasons are not the only reasons people travel. However, for me it is true.
I travel to run away from the stresses at home, including paying bills, being stuck in a routine, family drama, the pressure of having to “keep up with the Jones’s”. I travel because it gives me an excuse not to be present. “Sorry we can’t make it to Easter this year, but we’re in Germany!” I know it’s a terrible thing to say, but I really like staying in my little bubble of 4.
It’s easy for me to just up and leave. I’ve never been able to put down roots anywhere. Not for my lack of trying, because trust me, I’ve tried. I’m just not programmed that way.
Growing up, my husband had what I would consider a normal childhood. He lived in maybe 4 houses, with each move came progression, until his parents finally bought their current home. I don’t even know how long they’ve owned their home honestly. I know they’ve lived there longer than 9 years since that’s how long I’ve been around! In total, before I met fernando, I had lived in 20 different homes. Mind you, when I met fernando I was only 16 years old. The 20 includes both my moms and dads homes after their divorce, therefore I had two homes at one time for many years. The 20 also includes multiple family members and friends houses we stayed at during the years when we were “between houses”. What the 20 doesn’t include is the number of hotel rooms we lived in, when we were homeless, and what the 20 doesn’t include is the van we lived in or more like slept in when we were homeless.
Since I met Fernando, I have had a constant need for change. It’s just built into me. You’d think after all those years of moving so much, I’d want to settle down and create roots for myself, wouldn’t you? That’s what I thought would happen. But I find myself becoming incredibly unhappy if I stay somewhere too long. We actually just moved a few months ago, and the home we were living in was the longest I’ve lived somewhere in my entire life I believe. We lived in that house for 2 1/2 years. I think the reason I was able to stay so long was because our lives were constantly changing in other areas. We ended up having two kids and all the changes that go along with becoming new parents and then having a second baby, we had our hands full as it was. It was exciting, it was all new, and I didn’t feel the need to up and leave.
When we went to Europe for 8 weeks, I had never felt so fullfilled in my life. To return to places that I visited as a teenager, with my own family now in tow, to see a city that I’ve been dreaming about my entire life, to eat real Italian food in Italy, and walk through streeets straight out of an Olive Garden painting, it was all such an amazing experience. When I think about the trip, I often think back to my childhood. I know it’s crazy personal, but there were so many times that I told myself as child that all of the bad things happening to me were for a reason. I knew I didn’t deserve any of it, I was an innocent child, but I knew someday there would be a light at the end of the tunnel. I would tell myself that someday I’m going to live an amazing life, because all of this bad has to be for something right? “I’m going to live an amazing happy life, because I earned it.”
When we came back from Europe, I thought that someone would be proud of me. Especially the people that know my story and know where I came from. I thought someone would look at everything I achieved and would ask me, how’d you do it? How’d you pull this off? 8 weeks backpacking through 6 countries with two toddlers. I planned it all. I researched for months and months, I budgeted 1,000 times. I booked the flights, I found the accommodations, I researched the local foods, transportation, I did it all. I figured it all out and I feel like that’s an achievement all on its own. Not only that, but I made the plunge. I went for it and we made it back in one piece. I came back a changed person and I had so many stories to share.
I realize now that I don’t need anybody else’s opinion to confirm what I already know. I am proud of myself and that’s all that matters deep down. I know where I came from, and I know that I worked so hard for everything that I have now, and I deserve it all.
I find myself apologizing to my husband often for being the way I am. Meaning, “I’m sorry I blew up your phone with flight deals, I’m sorry I send you information on a random town in southern France, I’m sorry I research month to month rentals in Hawaii, I’m sorry I research jobs in Costa Rica….” But ever since our trip to Europe, Fernando changed as well. He talks about traveling just as much as I do and now I’m getting the texts saying, “could you ever see us living in Hawaii, would you ever move to Barcelona for a year?” We have the same goals in life, and that’s what makes this all work so great!
I started this blog post on one topic and then switched to another and now I’ve lost myself! When I started this, my point was that I’m running away from a lot but I’m also searching for something.
When I was kid if you asked me “what do you want to be when you grow up?” I would have told you a marine biologist. Two reasons, I wanted to discover the undiscovered and I always believed I was a mermaid in another life. That want to search for the undiscovered has never gone away. I want to travel because I want to see all these places I’ve never been. I want to discover new things. I want to learn about other cultures. I want to be enchanted by cities and small towns all over the world.
I’m complex. Like most humans, I believe. There is so much more to me then it seems. Traveling full time with our kids, I heard a lot of negativity. I think this whole time I’ve just been waiting for affirmation that what I’m doing with my life is actually something to be proud of.
But I’m officially closing that wound. Yes, I’m running away and I’m searching for new things. I’m discovering the world and I want to live each day different from the last.
The Traveling Toddler 